by Patricia | May 28, 2020 | Blog
There’s this talk among us.Us, black women who are alive and breathe and feel all thingsHumans feel.We talk about railing against the angry black woman trope.The stereotype thrust upon us by others – Black and non-Blackto minimize us and villanize us.With “carefree” and “happy” the antidote, it seems, to our destruction. And as we talk about it, there’s always a voicequietly whispering to me.The voice is mine and the voice is saying, softly“Actually, I am angry.” I am angry.I am a Black woman and I’m angry.And so I am an angry Black woman.And I don’t give a fuck what you want that to mean– Because I know what it means. It means I’m a whole and complete human being.And in that wholeness and completenessI feel my feelings–I am not governed solely by my feelingsBut I feel them.Anger’s among them.Anger though doesn’t mean flaming hot madAnger though doesn’t mean aggressionIt is an emotion, here in this poem, emanating fromThe experience of being humanWhile the world tries to deny my humanity. Excuse me for having a natural response to someoneDenying my birthright. Or don’t excuse it. I don’t give a fuck. As in, don’t excuse it, because it’s not to be excused.It’s mineMy angerI get to do what the fuck I want to do with itAnd I am responsible if I use my angerTo hurt anotherAnd I am responsible for using my angerTo inspire this shitty poemI am responsible for the way I respond to my emotionAnd I, in my high-level of emotional intelligenceDeclare my anger to be my muse! IAm responsible for my anger and my art. It’s brought me...
by Patricia | Jul 23, 2019 | Blog, Creativity
Would it be wrong of me to stop actively pursuing a date, or romance, or anything in the world of someone trying to get in my proverbial pants (up my skirt or dress, really, as I rarely wear pants) To stop with the dating apps and the story of a single-girl-in-the-city- trying-to-be married-and-a-mom Until I have some modicum of heart-healing? I used to think might’ve been born heartbroken. But then I learned a few years ago that when my parents came together and conceived me they were in love. I presume out of love came a whole loving being. But then love does beget heartbreak, right? Or is that just a story we like to tell? Unfortunately for me, the version of my parents’ relationship I know the best is the one where they tore away from one another. Their tearing away from one another is the root of my tears. What do you say to a woman who’s been love-sick since she was six? I say to her that you actually deserve better from you than to expect for your heart’s healing to come from some dude. I say to her that it sucks that you were just looking at a list of men who’ve expressed that modicum of interest known as a swipe right on Bumble but you disbelieved their interest. I say to her that you get to have boundaries and maintain them. I say to her you don’t have to “give it a try anyway” and “be open minded” when you know that he isn’t your type, in the app, or in real life....
by Patricia | Jul 22, 2018 | Blog, Writing
Love is a choice you make everyday. A commitment that you feed in every moment of your being. Or not. Maybe you don’t commit in a moment, or you don’t love one day. But you pick it up if you want it in the next day, or the next moment. Love is the best of the energy you have available to you. It’s also the best of the energy you can give to something. And if you’re interested in having the best experience With the best person, place or thing You show up with love. Love is one of the few things that’s universal. It has languages – dialects really Because in the end we all speak love And it doesn’t need translation. We were formed by the same force that created love We were formed by the same building blocks love’s made of. Love is us. We are love. And when we choose, we choose to connect to what is natural to us. It’s not surprising that those of us who choose to disconnect from our love Or become disconnected because of biology and circumstance Are unhappy, or worse. Love is the way back to our truths. And when you get back, love will be there for you. Love is around us all the time. Love is our support even when we don’t feel it. But when you feel it You know it and You embrace all the good available in the world. Just as you are, and I am Love...
by Patricia | Jan 28, 2018 | Blog, Dating, Empowerment
I’m here to save myself. There’s so much happening in the world at large that concerns the use of one’s voice, especially in connection to advocacy – for oneself, and for others. And in the midst of this broad cultural conversation, I’m thinking about how my voice can facilitate conversations and bridge understanding. I’m thinking about how to educate others on experiences in a way that increases empathy and decreases bias. My purpose in life is to connect people, ideas and experiences that are seemingly separate. I have a tendency to find connections in concepts where others won’t and I naturally connect seemingly disparate groups, ideas, etc. all the time. This fits in with the use of my voice and the conversations I’ve been having, and would like to continue. But some of these conversations have been draining, triggering and all-around toxic. The #MeToo, “Grace” and Aziz conversations have required recuperation afterward. So while I’m great at connecting and see the importance of facilitating conversation, I am consciously choosing to disconnect when my safety and security requires it. I will not connect, or maintain a connection, at the sacrifice of my well-being. 2017 demonstrated how my aptitude for connection had been at odds with my need to take care of myself. This showed up the most acutely in my dating and romantic life. In the last year I found myself interested and connecting with men who demonstrated very early that they’d be toxic, but set aside the signs of toxicity in the name of connection: either to stay connected romantically because it provided some sense of activity in my...
by Patricia | Dec 24, 2017 | Empowerment
Inspired by a writing prompt in Tara-Nicholle Nelson’s 30 Day Writing Challenge, which asked: What do you have the freedom, the right, to do that you rarely exercise? How do you plan to exercise that freedom or use your rights more boldly, less apologetically, in 2018? In 2018 I intend to exercise the freedom to revel in the timeliness of my life. The concept of timeliness is a bit different than being on-time. When you’re on-time you’re arriving at an agreed upon time, with the agreement coming from you and something external to you. You agree with your employer that 9AM is the time to arrive at work to be “on-time.” You agree with your date that 7PM is the time you will arrive at your meeting point for your date to be “on-time.” It’s an agreement and in some respects an obligation to uphold, and in a way, binds you to something. It’s an agreement that, if you’re like me, you push to meet, despite whatever might come in the way to delay you. Being on-time is important but it’s distinct from timeliness, i.e., the quality of occurring at a favorable or useful time. Timeliness, to me, isn’t so much about an agreed upon time, but about the best time for something to occur. And what’s best isn’t strictly decided by parties in an agreement, but takes into account the varying occurrences in life that we can’t anticipate or control. There’s no push to meet a benchmark, but an allowance for things to happen when they must. I don’t know what’s coming my way at any given moment....
by Patricia | Dec 5, 2017 | Blog, Career, Empowerment
I’ve known about this phenomenon for some time now: the deception of appearance that’s visited on people who don’t have reason to know my chronological age. To these people I appear younger than the thirty-five-year-and-six month-old (almost seven) that I am. And it’s so interesting that when I reveal my age those who think otherwise, that I often get “complimented” for looking like I’ve been here for less time. It’s interesting, but it’s not. I think the first lesson-of-the-world I was taught is that I’m not supposed to take up much space. That’s about physical space – the world would prefer me to be smaller. That’s about my voice – the world would prefer to keep me quiet, or quieter, lest I cause any trouble or have reason to be heard. And as I’ve spent more time taking up space on the planet, the “less” becomes about the time I’ve been here. As I age, I learn the world would prefer me to be here for less time that I’ve been. And maybe I could lose weight. Maybe, just maybe, I could speak softly. Maybe I could not write this, and publish it, and have you read it – so my thoughts don’t take up space in the internet, or in your mind. But the one thing I cannot change is the amount of time I’ve been on the planet. Time spent is time spent and even if I appear younger, I can’t go backwards. Time continues even if we don’t feel it. And with time comes change; even if you don’t do too much we organisms are meant...
by Patricia | Oct 25, 2017 | Blog
I’m not sure I’m gonna publish this one, but if you’re reading this and you aren’t me, then you know what I decided to do with it. I haven’t written like this in a while. I write all the time but nothing that’s meant to be written for the sake of my words to be someone else’s focus, to be focused on for the enjoyment of words dancing in the reader’s mind,. These days when I write it’s usually a journal entry – that’s for me. Or to explain some concept, or give advice – that’s usually for the client at my j-o-b. Or to support an image I post on Instagram, that’s for the understanding of why I posted the picture. This morning I got out of bed completely unexcited about the day ahead. I felt not one ounce of enthusiasm for a day that would be a fraction of a career I put my all into, a career I’m still committed to. I had to accept that, despite my commitment to my career, the way I’m carrying it out is not conducive to my joy. That’s it. During the day I had a conversation with a colleague about a time five years ago, where I made a decision about my career only intending for that decision to support my joy as much as possible. And the result of the decision led to more joy that I would’ve expected from my job at the time. That joyful period’s over, and I’m so grateful that I had it. And talking to my colleague about it reminded me that my intention...
by Patricia | Apr 8, 2017 | Blog, Creativity, Empowerment
Honesty is the best policy, but not the easiest. It’s the best because we live in an honest Universe. The Universe is not a liar, and won’t support you in your lies. The Universe functions on truth. When we lie to ourselves and others, the Universe will seek that lie’s correction. So either we let the correction happen through us (that is, we fess up, we confront, we shine a light in the shadows) or the Universe does it for us. The truth comes out, finds a way to be seen, ensures that it won’t be ignored. While being the truth agent isn’t easy, it is easier than having the truth forced upon you, or me, or others. Let yourself be an agent of truth. An agent of the light and keeping things in the light. Not the same thing as telling everyone your business, by the way. No, we don’t really need to know all that you have going on, as “honesty” is not the same thing as “show and tell.” But in the living of your life, as long as you embrace all that is you and your life, you are living honestly. As long as you are living in full expression of your truth (verbal and nonverbal), not in hiding, you are living honestly. And you’ll find when you take this approach that the Universe will respond quicker to your desires. The Universe will show you unprecedented favor, in the way all things show you great favor when you speak their language, when you vibe along their energetic wavelength, when you go in the direction they’re...
by Patricia | Apr 5, 2017 | Empowerment
There’s a difference between being at ease in a situation and a situation being easy to deal with. Recently I had a conversation with someone talking about “flow” and a situation not “flowing” because of some bumps taking place within situation. Thinking about that conversation just now, it hit me: people often confuse one’s ease in a situation with the situation being easy. Life won’t always be easy. So it stands to reason that endeavors and situations you will be in will present a challenge. That is the way of life, the way of the Universe. But things flowing? That is up to you. Things flowing, and you being at ease, is about how you deal with what comes your way. And of course, when endeavors are not presenting challenges, it’s easy to be at ease. Some would say that the endeavor being easy is when you are in flow. But no, because if the endeavor is consistent with the way of the life, it’s going to present you with a challenge. But you get to decide how you want to deal with the challenge. Do you want to resist the fact that you are being presented with a challenge? Do you try to ignore the challenge? If yes, then you will not be at ease. But if the answers those questions are no, and instead you decide to go with the difficulty, and take it head on… that is ease. Going with the flow means taking on what comes, good and bad. So which are you going for? Ease, or easy? Are you looking to take on things...
by Patricia | Feb 8, 2017 | Empowerment
It started out as the typical bathroom run. I peed, wiped, and started to pull up my panties. As I went down for my drawers, though, I was aware of the sensation of my hands along my belly, and it felt like my skin relished the touch. It occurred to me that I have not loved and loved-on my belly ever. So I leaned over, grabbed up my super jiggly middle, and gave it a squeeze. While I squeezed my belly I spoke love, joy and peace to it. And then I fixed my clothes, flushed, washed my hands and went on about my day. I left that bathroom feeling a bit warmer in my heart, all because I gave my body some love, intentionally. If I’m going to be body positive, I need to be positive about it all. And positive doesn’t mean “liking” it all, but embracing my entire body for what it is. So now I’m into belly hugs: warm, cuddly and affectionate. Because it deserves as much love as every other celebrated part of my body. And I’m going to embrace it, literally, because it’s a part of the temple that houses my spirit. Someone has to celebrate my body, I figure. And that someone can be me!...
