by Patricia | May 28, 2020 | Blog
There’s this talk among us.Us, black women who are alive and breathe and feel all thingsHumans feel.We talk about railing against the angry black woman trope.The stereotype thrust upon us by others – Black and non-Blackto minimize us and villanize us.With “carefree” and “happy” the antidote, it seems, to our destruction. And as we talk about it, there’s always a voicequietly whispering to me.The voice is mine and the voice is saying, softly“Actually, I am angry.” I am angry.I am a Black woman and I’m angry.And so I am an angry Black woman.And I don’t give a fuck what you want that to mean– Because I know what it means. It means I’m a whole and complete human being.And in that wholeness and completenessI feel my feelings–I am not governed solely by my feelingsBut I feel them.Anger’s among them.Anger though doesn’t mean flaming hot madAnger though doesn’t mean aggressionIt is an emotion, here in this poem, emanating fromThe experience of being humanWhile the world tries to deny my humanity. Excuse me for having a natural response to someoneDenying my birthright. Or don’t excuse it. I don’t give a fuck. As in, don’t excuse it, because it’s not to be excused.It’s mineMy angerI get to do what the fuck I want to do with itAnd I am responsible if I use my angerTo hurt anotherAnd I am responsible for using my angerTo inspire this shitty poemI am responsible for the way I respond to my emotionAnd I, in my high-level of emotional intelligenceDeclare my anger to be my muse! IAm responsible for my anger and my art. It’s brought me...
by Patricia | Jul 23, 2019 | Blog, Creativity
Would it be wrong of me to stop actively pursuing a date, or romance, or anything in the world of someone trying to get in my proverbial pants (up my skirt or dress, really, as I rarely wear pants) To stop with the dating apps and the story of a single-girl-in-the-city- trying-to-be married-and-a-mom Until I have some modicum of heart-healing? I used to think might’ve been born heartbroken. But then I learned a few years ago that when my parents came together and conceived me they were in love. I presume out of love came a whole loving being. But then love does beget heartbreak, right? Or is that just a story we like to tell? Unfortunately for me, the version of my parents’ relationship I know the best is the one where they tore away from one another. Their tearing away from one another is the root of my tears. What do you say to a woman who’s been love-sick since she was six? I say to her that you actually deserve better from you than to expect for your heart’s healing to come from some dude. I say to her that it sucks that you were just looking at a list of men who’ve expressed that modicum of interest known as a swipe right on Bumble but you disbelieved their interest. I say to her that you get to have boundaries and maintain them. I say to her you don’t have to “give it a try anyway” and “be open minded” when you know that he isn’t your type, in the app, or in real life....
by Patricia | Jul 22, 2018 | Blog, Writing
Love is a choice you make everyday. A commitment that you feed in every moment of your being. Or not. Maybe you don’t commit in a moment, or you don’t love one day. But you pick it up if you want it in the next day, or the next moment. Love is the best of the energy you have available to you. It’s also the best of the energy you can give to something. And if you’re interested in having the best experience With the best person, place or thing You show up with love. Love is one of the few things that’s universal. It has languages – dialects really Because in the end we all speak love And it doesn’t need translation. We were formed by the same force that created love We were formed by the same building blocks love’s made of. Love is us. We are love. And when we choose, we choose to connect to what is natural to us. It’s not surprising that those of us who choose to disconnect from our love Or become disconnected because of biology and circumstance Are unhappy, or worse. Love is the way back to our truths. And when you get back, love will be there for you. Love is around us all the time. Love is our support even when we don’t feel it. But when you feel it You know it and You embrace all the good available in the world. Just as you are, and I am Love...
by Patricia | Jan 28, 2018 | Blog, Dating, Empowerment
I’m here to save myself. There’s so much happening in the world at large that concerns the use of one’s voice, especially in connection to advocacy – for oneself, and for others. And in the midst of this broad cultural conversation, I’m thinking about how my voice can facilitate conversations and bridge understanding. I’m thinking about how to educate others on experiences in a way that increases empathy and decreases bias. My purpose in life is to connect people, ideas and experiences that are seemingly separate. I have a tendency to find connections in concepts where others won’t and I naturally connect seemingly disparate groups, ideas, etc. all the time. This fits in with the use of my voice and the conversations I’ve been having, and would like to continue. But some of these conversations have been draining, triggering and all-around toxic. The #MeToo, “Grace” and Aziz conversations have required recuperation afterward. So while I’m great at connecting and see the importance of facilitating conversation, I am consciously choosing to disconnect when my safety and security requires it. I will not connect, or maintain a connection, at the sacrifice of my well-being. 2017 demonstrated how my aptitude for connection had been at odds with my need to take care of myself. This showed up the most acutely in my dating and romantic life. In the last year I found myself interested and connecting with men who demonstrated very early that they’d be toxic, but set aside the signs of toxicity in the name of connection: either to stay connected romantically because it provided some sense of activity in my...
by Patricia | Dec 5, 2017 | Blog, Career, Empowerment
I’ve known about this phenomenon for some time now: the deception of appearance that’s visited on people who don’t have reason to know my chronological age. To these people I appear younger than the thirty-five-year-and-six month-old (almost seven) that I am. And it’s so interesting that when I reveal my age those who think otherwise, that I often get “complimented” for looking like I’ve been here for less time. It’s interesting, but it’s not. I think the first lesson-of-the-world I was taught is that I’m not supposed to take up much space. That’s about physical space – the world would prefer me to be smaller. That’s about my voice – the world would prefer to keep me quiet, or quieter, lest I cause any trouble or have reason to be heard. And as I’ve spent more time taking up space on the planet, the “less” becomes about the time I’ve been here. As I age, I learn the world would prefer me to be here for less time that I’ve been. And maybe I could lose weight. Maybe, just maybe, I could speak softly. Maybe I could not write this, and publish it, and have you read it – so my thoughts don’t take up space in the internet, or in your mind. But the one thing I cannot change is the amount of time I’ve been on the planet. Time spent is time spent and even if I appear younger, I can’t go backwards. Time continues even if we don’t feel it. And with time comes change; even if you don’t do too much we organisms are meant...
by Patricia | Oct 25, 2017 | Blog
I’m not sure I’m gonna publish this one, but if you’re reading this and you aren’t me, then you know what I decided to do with it. I haven’t written like this in a while. I write all the time but nothing that’s meant to be written for the sake of my words to be someone else’s focus, to be focused on for the enjoyment of words dancing in the reader’s mind,. These days when I write it’s usually a journal entry – that’s for me. Or to explain some concept, or give advice – that’s usually for the client at my j-o-b. Or to support an image I post on Instagram, that’s for the understanding of why I posted the picture. This morning I got out of bed completely unexcited about the day ahead. I felt not one ounce of enthusiasm for a day that would be a fraction of a career I put my all into, a career I’m still committed to. I had to accept that, despite my commitment to my career, the way I’m carrying it out is not conducive to my joy. That’s it. During the day I had a conversation with a colleague about a time five years ago, where I made a decision about my career only intending for that decision to support my joy as much as possible. And the result of the decision led to more joy that I would’ve expected from my job at the time. That joyful period’s over, and I’m so grateful that I had it. And talking to my colleague about it reminded me that my intention...
