by Patricia | Jan 28, 2018 | Blog, Dating, Empowerment
I’m here to save myself. There’s so much happening in the world at large that concerns the use of one’s voice, especially in connection to advocacy – for oneself, and for others. And in the midst of this broad cultural conversation, I’m thinking about how my voice can facilitate conversations and bridge understanding. I’m thinking about how to educate others on experiences in a way that increases empathy and decreases bias. My purpose in life is to connect people, ideas and experiences that are seemingly separate. I have a tendency to find connections in concepts where others won’t and I naturally connect seemingly disparate groups, ideas, etc. all the time. This fits in with the use of my voice and the conversations I’ve been having, and would like to continue. But some of these conversations have been draining, triggering and all-around toxic. The #MeToo, “Grace” and Aziz conversations have required recuperation afterward. So while I’m great at connecting and see the importance of facilitating conversation, I am consciously choosing to disconnect when my safety and security requires it. I will not connect, or maintain a connection, at the sacrifice of my well-being. 2017 demonstrated how my aptitude for connection had been at odds with my need to take care of myself. This showed up the most acutely in my dating and romantic life. In the last year I found myself interested and connecting with men who demonstrated very early that they’d be toxic, but set aside the signs of toxicity in the name of connection: either to stay connected romantically because it provided some sense of activity in my...
by Patricia | Jul 26, 2016 | Beauty, Creativity, Dating, Empowerment, Joy
I’ve been reading a lot of writing by the “body-positive” (or the tryna-be-body-positive) community about what it is to be body positive. I have experience and a perspective on this topic, shaped by the times: When, as a child, I got comments about what I was eating, in comparison to everyone else. When, as a child, I had to justify why I was eating a piece of cake at a birthday party. When I was told that I could not wear red because of my size. When the word “fat” was used in reference to me, with disdain. When I’ve been asked if I thought I needed to lose weight. When I dated him, and him, and him, and they all told me how beautiful I’d be if I lost weight. When people questioned how hard it must have been to be me, in comparison to my skinny mother. When I bought a wedding dress and was told that the empire waisted gown was best, despite the obvious uni-boob. When I eventually bought the slim fitting fit-and-flare gown. When he told me that he wouldn’t marry me until I lost weight. When he told me that his mother told him to never bring home a fat girl. When he cheated. When I read the email he sent to the girl he cheated with, telling her that she needed to lose weight for their relationship to develop. When I determined that if I was not good enough for him to marry as a fat person, then he was not good enough for me, period. When I began using affirmations daily, like, “My...
by Patricia | Jun 29, 2016 | Career, Dating
I was just reading this really inspiring piece on Forbes about Nely Galán (gotta check out her book!) and while inspired, it hit me: Why is it that, on the one hand, I keep being told to “Lean In” and “Go Big” in my career, but told in my love life to play it small? As I considered this, I googled “How to Get a Man” and a brief perusal confirmed the message I’ve been getting for all of my life: as a heterosexual single woman, I am supposed to play a game of sorts to “get” a guy. Playing games, manipulation, to me is “small” and frustrating in comparison to leaning in/going “big.” Funny enough, in my perusal of Google results I came across this gem from Cosmopolitan: to get a guy to like me, I should “be busy sometimes.” Thanks Cosmo! Because if I wasn’t a straight single female interested in dating I’d have no reason to pursue a life, right? Right. That piece of (ridiculous!) advice reminded me of so many convos I’ve had with my similarly careered up girlfriends about dating, relationships and our careers. Being high-powered, or even perceived that way, can be an impediment to the development of some relationships. I have friends who have downplayed their careers and successes to “support” their relationship with a guy. I have never felt any pressure to downplay my career, but I’ve encountered men who, when hearing I’m an attorney, get put off. Now I’ve also dated plenty of men who had no issues with my career and its successes; being an attorney can be very attractive to...
