#BodyPositivity, In My Opinion

#BodyPositivity, In My Opinion

I’ve been reading a lot of writing by the “body-positive” (or the tryna-be-body-positive) community about what it is to be body positive. I have experience and a perspective on this topic, shaped by the times: When, as a child, I got comments about what I was eating, in comparison to everyone else. When, as a child, I had to justify why I was eating a piece of cake at a birthday party. When I was told that I could not wear red because of my size. When the word “fat” was used in reference to me, with disdain. When I’ve been asked if I thought I needed to lose weight. When I dated him, and him, and him, and they all told me how beautiful I’d be if I lost weight. When people questioned how hard it must have been to be me, in comparison to my skinny mother. When I bought a wedding dress and was told that the empire waisted gown was best, despite the obvious uni-boob. When I eventually bought the slim fitting fit-and-flare gown. When he told me that he wouldn’t marry me until I lost weight. When he told me that his mother told him to never bring home a fat girl. When he cheated. When I read the email he sent to the girl he cheated with, telling her that she needed to lose weight for their relationship to develop. When I determined that if I was not good enough for him to marry as a fat person, then he was not good enough for me, period. When I began using affirmations daily, like, “My...
My dissent to this condition. #blacklivesmatter #getupstandup

My dissent to this condition. #blacklivesmatter #getupstandup

We all matter. We are loved by some, by many. This is a given. But when you live in a world that tells you in so many ways that because of who you are, you don’t matter – not as much as another group – you have to have to have to have to have to insist that you are HERE and you mean as much as anyone else. You matter and you deserve basic respect. You matter. I matter. Black Lives Matter and it HURTS that we are subjected to a system that tries to tell us otherwise. It HURTS so bad that some of my skinfolk say to others, “well, if you only just [whatever] you wouldn’t get into trouble.” If we only were just not hued in blackness and brownness. If we only didn’t intimidate the shit out of some others. If only our might did not pose such a threat to the system of white supremacy in which we live. We’d live. Trayvon would live. Tamir would live. Sandra would live. Alton would live. And if you wonder why Black people celebrate ourselves so much? Why we gotta make statements like “Black Lives Matter” and “Black Girls Rock” and so on? If you truly wonder about these things then you are ignorant to the origin of the country, when we legally were not whole humans, and the legacy this has left us. A legacy where we still, within ourselves, have to make up for being broken down over many generations – a legacy that causes us to have to remind the rest of you too that WE ARE WHOLE DAMN HUMANS AND WE ARE WORTHY OF LOVE AND RESPECT. Also you might be asleep to the direct...
From the bottom of my always-a-fat-girl heart:

From the bottom of my always-a-fat-girl heart:

I used to really feel that I was alone in my always-a-fat-girlness. And always-a-fat-girlness isn’t simply about how big I’ve always been. It’s a mindset, more than anything else. And a mindset that’s been set for years and years of messages, at home, in the world, in the media, etc. that the body I occupy was not good enough, and thus, I was not. Please believe me when I tell you that being told constantly that you are not good enough to be simply because you are how you are is a tremendous mind fuck. Add to that being a baby. And then a toddler. And then a young girl. And then a young lady. And then ultimately a thirty-something lady. Compounded over the years, the message has been digested. It has made me who I am. And yes, I get that the messages come from other people’s projections of me – their own insecurities, whatever. Not to be taken personally. I get that. But fuck. And I get that all kinds of people are given the same message, fat or not. I get that too. But this is about me and my shit. And my shit is rooted in the always-a-fat-girlness. In the “oh you’d be so pretty if you lost X lbs”-ness. In the “I won’t marry you unless you’re a size 12”-ness (yes, this was my life at a time). (That last part, by the way, is why I haven’t written or coached in some time. Because I had to let go of him, heal from him, and heal from all the shit that led me...
You did great!

You did great!

Regardless of how the year went, take stock today of the good you accomplished this year.  Tomorrow’s a new year but it is also another new day – a new opportunity to try something you’ve never tried, an opportunity to do something you’ve never done. After taking stock today, start to plan (if you haven’t yet) for your vision of 2015. Thanks for reading, supporting, and sharing what you’ve read here, on Facebook and Instagram. More great things to come in 2015, including support in planning for your 2015 vision!...
7 Reasons Why You Should Make The Effort to Change.

7 Reasons Why You Should Make The Effort to Change.

You are worth the effort and the time it takes to do as well as possible in life. In case you aren’t convinced, here are seven reasons why you should undergo the work it takes to change. 1. You’re not satisfied with the current state of your life. If there’s something in your life you aren’t happy with, no one else is more equipped to change that thing but you! Plan and simple in concept, even though not necessarily in execution. 2. You can do better in life for the change. Hopefully, you are looking to change for the better. If you follow through and make needed lifestyle changes, your life will be better overall for the change. 3. You can inspire others to change.  People tend to respond very well to images. Whether or not you’re aware, you are already providing an “image” of your life to those around you, and that image can inspire. If you live your life in a way that another person aspires to live, you can inspire their change! Just by doing what it takes to do better, you pave the way for others to do better. 4. Your changes will improve your relationships.  The change you need might be in the interest of your relationships. What you do impacts everyone in your life. Working on your progression and expansion individually will impact your relationships. It’ll either help them appreciate you more, or show you the need to let go of those relationships. 5. Change is adventurous! If you’re seeking some adventure, there’s no better way to get that than by embarking on...
Better than an ice cream sandwich. #NewNovember

Better than an ice cream sandwich. #NewNovember

Yesterday I had an intense sugar craving. I ate pretty well but my body kept calling for sugar, and I answered with one of these ice cream sandwiches. While eating the sandwich I questioned the purpose of the craving. Although what we crave might not be “necessary,” a craving signals that you’re in need of something. Maybe it’s a nutrient: for example, if you’re a lady, PMSing, and craving chocolate, you might be in need of magnesium (if this happens, try a small serving of  raw cashews and see how it does the trick!). But maybe it’s an emotional need. After questioning and eating my ice cream sandwich, I meditated. (Meditation’s a great way to get answers to questions that only lie within. And the answer I got was… I’ve been feeling insecure, and using sugar as a security blanket.   Ugh. I remembered the times in my childhood when I experienced actual danger, such as when I got hit by a car at 8 years old. I remember wanting to eat all things sweet after I got home from the hospital (mildly injured  but shaken up, by the way).  I am sure that the association between sugar and security started way before that, but it was the first time I’m aware of that the sugar craving was INTENSE! Next week will make 24 years since that happened, and to celebrate I think this security blanket should go. Ice cream sandwiches are great, but they do not protect me from experiencing pain or danger. So what’s better than an ice cream sandwich? Faith that the universe supports me. Knowledge that all is well. Belief that, even...